Five Minute Friday…Visit

It’s Friday and I’m back linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday.

Five minutes.

One word.

No editing.

No rethinking.

Just writing.

Today’s word: Visit

GO

photo credit: shenaniganswillensue.tumblr.com

Four hours every Sunday. It happened whether I wanted it to or not. A judge had decided and that is what I was required: four hours every Sunday with my father—my biological father.

I had always looked at these visits with the same enthusiasm as a long car ride or a visit to the dentist (mind you I nearly had a root canal at 5). And yet these visits were required, by law. I never do well when someone tells me I have to do something.

At one point I had decided I had enough. I didn’t want to go anymore and no one could make me (or that’s what my fifteen year old mind had shouted to the world).

Looking back it wasn’t as bad as I thought. In fact, I may have learned something.

I’ve learned that all that is shiny and fun is usually not as good as you think it is. It may provide a glitzy reflection, but that’s usually where it ends.

I’ve learned something can hurt and be good for you at the same time. But you usually can’t see through the pain to the peace.

I’ve learned that I can hurt, but I have a choice to heal. And I’ve chosen. Over and over again.

7×70.

Literally. I would say “I forgive him” 490 times a day until it didn’t hurt anymore.

I think I had forgotten that. And when it hurts again I do the math and I become more of what I’m supposed to be, all because of a visit.

STOP

It feels good when pain no longer pierces.

If you want to join in check out Five Minute Fridays.

Five Minute Friday…See

I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday.

Five minutes.

One word.

No editing.

No rethinking.

Just writing.

Today’s word: See

photo credit: nicecranedesigns.com

GO

Every time I sit down to write this, I stop. My dance halts and I almost fall face first over myself. The phone rings or the dryer buzzes. The words stop or my mind wanders. But I want to dance so badly.

Do you have things in your life that you want, but don’t seem to push through? I wonder why I have this longing to write if I can’t see how to make it work. I don’t see where the dance is going to go and I always want to take the lead.

You can’t lead if you don’t know where you’re going.

You can’t lead if you can’t see.

And then it clicks. At least for a moment, until I forget again, until I try too hard in my own strength. I am not meant to lead this dance. I am meant to be ready. I am meant to know the music, to know the steps, to practice the steps so I’m ready. But I was never meant to lead this dance.

Sometimes I look back and the ink is a splattered mess on the page. But sometimes I see beauty. And that is when I see the difference between taking the lead and being led.

STOP

I don’t know how to give up control sometimes. I hope the more I see the beauty in being led, the more I long for letting go.

If you want to join in check out Five Minute Fridays.

Five Minute Friday…Fight

First link up of the New Year with with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. Give it a try….it’s good for your soul.

Five minutes.

One word.

No editing.

No rethinking.

Just writing.

Today’s word: Fight

GO

I used to like to fight. If someone told me left, I went right. If someone said the sky was blue, I thought it looked gray. If someone said it couldn’t be done, I did it. In a lifetime of trying to fit in I fought my way out of a box I thought I wanted so badly.

And then things changed. Maybe I changed. Marriage, job, kids…the usual I guess. I became tired of fighting. Maybe it was that there wasn’t a fight to be fought. I spent so much time fighting, I didn’t recognize that there was nothing that needed artillery.

My grandmother always told me that that someday I would realize life isn’t black and white. I laughed every time she said it. Every. Single. Time. She would tilt her head to the side raise her eyebrows and tell me to wait and see.

I always thought I’d prove her wrong.

Life isn’t what I thought it would be. There are so many shades of black and so many whites I see a rainbow of possibility.

I’m glad I see differently, and I’m glad the fight has eased a bit. I like to think I’ve softened. But I really haven’t. There are still two colors. Black and White. There is still right and wrong. It’s just that it’s not my job to judge everyone else’s shades of gray.

It’s my job to fight for one thing.

Love.

STOP

Five minutes can be a funny thing. Your mind and your heart start with the first tick of the clock and, if you let them, they move forward on their own accord. I didn’t end where I thought I would. I didn’t go where I thought I would. But I wrote. I’m itching to change, to edit, to refine, but this is my 5 minutes.

If you want to join in check out Five Minute Fridays.

Five Minute Friday…Fly

This is for you and for me.

I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday.

Five minutes.

One word.

No editing.

No rethinking.

Just writing.

Today’s word: Fly

GO

Today is your day to fly. You’ve spent too long trudging through the wilderness. Now it’s your time to see what I see. I would tell you how amazing the view is, but it’s your time to see it.

Just take a moment and look up. Push beyond the weight bearing down on your shoulders and lift your head. If you can’t do it, I’ll do it for you. It’s important. Do you see it? Really, look. There’s a whole world outside of the burden on your back and the snares at your feet. I know you see this dark valley where you feel so alone and trapped, but climb onto the eagle’s wings and let me show you a different perspective.

As we begin to fly up look straight in front of you. Sometimes you need to get your focus off the struggle and onto the sky. Look how much bigger the sky is. I know we’re getting pretty high but hold on and keep looking up. Isn’t the sky so beautiful? It was there all along, you know. Yes, even when you were in that dark wilderness. The sky was there. It’s hard to see the sky when you can’t lift your head.

Now we’re leveling off. It’s time to look around. No. Don’t look down. Not yet. Just look around you. The sky is everywhere, but what do you see here? Can you see the mountains? They don’t look so insurmountable from here do they? What about those valleys over on your left? It’s just a little dip in the road.  And the ocean waves to the right. White crests looking more like breath than pounding waves. The view from here is pretty amazing, isn’t it? Maybe that’s why I brought you here. Maybe you needed amazing.

But one last thing, now it’s time to look down. Look right down below us to where I just picked you up from. Yes, that shadowy place there. That’s where you were. It was much bigger you say? No, it really wasn’t. It felt dark. And it was. But really look at it. It’s that little place right there that is surrounded by light. Yes, light. The darkness is never as dark as it seems and the wilderness never as wide. Whenever you need to remember, just call me. I’ll swoop down and pick you up if you’re willing. We can take flight and you can see how the world looks to me.

STOP

This dance was awkward and I’m still not sure I know it’s place. But it’s here.

If you want to join in check out Five Minute Fridays.

Five Minute Friday…Tree

Today is a dance in words and images and faith.

I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday.

Five minutes.

One word.

No editing.

No rethinking.

Just writing.

Today’s word: Tree

photo credit: photofarm.ning.com

photo credit: photofarm.ning.com

GO

I’ve always loved trees. Big, strong trees that reach every finger to the sky. Trees with arms of strength and beauty. Trees round and thick in the middle, a silent testimony of strength through decades of storms. These trees are not easy to come by. The higher they reach up, the deeper their roots must go.

I long to be like those trees.

I want my fingers ever reaching heavenward moving only by His breath.

I long to be a testament of a life lived in strength and beauty and fierce determination in the midst of sun and storm.

I want my arms to be ready to hold anything that grabs on, and my fingers ready to let go of beauty if it means renewal.

I long to stand in dignity and strength even when I feel most exposed.

I want to explode with growth just when I feel most hopeless.

I long to offer a place of grace for people to rest under and a beauty more defined by it’s fruit than itself.

I want to live like a tree reaching higher every day and showing growth in my core every year.

I long to be a tree of roots that reach deep with unseen growth and quiet strength.

May I live my life like a tree. Even if pieces of me break away and storms threaten my very existence, may I live my life like a tree. Moving only at His command, standing strong, and giving fully.

STOP

This idea took 5 minutes. The additions a few more.

Dancing in the breeze of His breath today.

If you want to join in check out Five Minute Fridays.