Shadows and Light

photo credit: openwalls.com

Sometimes the words creep in, seep in, with so much slithering darkness. The words that plague me, whispered by my giants.

The used to just attack my present…

You are a bad mother.

You have no friends.

You are fat.

You are not enough.

But as I struggle to take every thought captive and believe only that which is written in stone, the attacks have changed. Maybe there is a desperation there, but it is with a renewed ferocity.

You will always be a bad mother.

You will never have friends.

You will always be fat.

You will never be enough.

Lie after lie hissed quiet in my ears, and when I look over my shoulder there is no one there but where I had been.

There is a whole war going on inside my head, inside my chest, a battle not only for today, but for every tomorrow. If I believe the lie today, I lose endless tomorrows as well.

So I choose and I keep choosing because I cannot lose all my tomorrows because of a lie hissed in the shadows today.

Today, I shine the light and the shadows disappear. Maybe if the lies are in the light, they won’t seem so sinister. Maybe the light will give the courage I need to choose truth. Maybe the light will reveal that I’m not the only one fighting a battle.

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