Sometimes the words creep in, seep in, with so much slithering darkness. The words that plague me, whispered by my giants.
The used to just attack my present…
You are a bad mother.
You have no friends.
You are fat.
You are not enough.
But as I struggle to take every thought captive and believe only that which is written in stone, the attacks have changed. Maybe there is a desperation there, but it is with a renewed ferocity.
You will always be a bad mother.
You will never have friends.
You will always be fat.
You will never be enough.
Lie after lie hissed quiet in my ears, and when I look over my shoulder there is no one there but where I had been.
There is a whole war going on inside my head, inside my chest, a battle not only for today, but for every tomorrow. If I believe the lie today, I lose endless tomorrows as well.
So I choose and I keep choosing because I cannot lose all my tomorrows because of a lie hissed in the shadows today.
Today, I shine the light and the shadows disappear. Maybe if the lies are in the light, they won’t seem so sinister. Maybe the light will give the courage I need to choose truth. Maybe the light will reveal that I’m not the only one fighting a battle.