Going deeper with our introduction to fear I’m going to jump right in. This is the big one for me.
But it’s not what you think.
Here’s the thing. I know the cliff notes of what’s going to happen after I die, and I’m good with that. I’m not going to get all preachy, but I know where I’m headed. Heaven is good, and it’s a sure thing. Do I have a clue what to expect? Not really, but I know I’ll be there. If you want to know how I know so unflinchingly, leave a comment with your email. I’ll tell you all about it. Seriously. It’s that important.
But what about the rest of death?
It’s the thought of being here without one of the people closest to me or the thought of the people I love being here without me to be part of it. It catches my breath, and I can’t seem to exhale.
No matter where death takes me, it will be away.
Away from so much that is good and full of beauty and love.
And I don’t want to lose that.
So I try to control it. I do all these things with the ‘what ifs’ in my mind.
What if this is the last time I see him?
What if this is the last hug?
What if she’s not breathing when I check her at night?
And “I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone.” (Thank you Taylor Swift)
It’s dark and it’s sad. But it’s true. And kind of freeing.
All I can do here is love and love so much that maybe the people who are part of my soul will be in heaven with me someday. I can’t control who is here or for how long. And that is like throwing down this crystal ball that I clench in my hands. It shatters and breaks me. And when it does I breathe because I don’t have to hold on anymore.
I’m not over fear, but I can learn to breathe through it.
If you’ve missed any of the series, click on the link below and breathe with me.