Another Line Item

To do list

I read today about someone praying with another person and I scoffed. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but it came almost involuntarily. I have no doubts about prayer and it’s power, but when did prayer become something to check off the list? When did our “Thank you Father” before mealtime become sing-songy and rote instead of core driven and seeped out of my soul?

I almost would have rather the scoff come from my judgement than my jealousy. I’m not sure if what I do even counts as prayer anymore. I know there is grace and seasons, but don’t you think He longs for us to long for Him? Maybe adding him to the list on the fridge after laundry and before running to the pharmacy isn’t what He had in mind at all. Maybe He wants to be the paper and the pen and the air all around. Maybe He wants more than to be a line item.

I hope I’m not a line item on someone’s checklist for the day or the week. I hope I’m not something to be crossed off when it’s done. I want to be so known and desired that I permeate the thought and distract from all that is penned on that list. And if that’s me in my humanity, how much more does He long for?

praying-on-her-knees

I’m not sure how to get it right. I’m not sure how ‘to do’  life and spirit. I think we’ve kept them separate for so long I have no idea how to meld them together. I try, but sometimes I am tired of trying. Maybe the trying is just another one of the ‘works’ that we think gets us closer to Him. How do I get better at this without trying?

How do I learn to be in Him rather than just talk at Him?

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